A little boy asked his father: “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”
Father replied: “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
A burglar sneaks in a dark bar…(after hours) and goes right to the cash register. A voice calls out, “GOD IS WATCHING YOU”. He looks all around and sees nothing so returns to jimmying the cash drawer. Again, the voice says, “GOD IS WATCHING YOU”. The burglar looks around and finally sees a parrot in a cage and says, “Oh, Hi Polly. You startled me.” “Hey” said the parrot. “My name ain’t Polly. It’s John the Baptist.” The burglar snorted, “Who in the world named you John the Baptist?”. Parrot says, “The same guy who named that Rottweiler over there GOD!”
A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves. “What are you doing in there?” she asked.
The rabbit replied: “This is a Westinghouse, isn’t it?” to which the lady replied, “Yes.”
“Well,” the rabbit said, “I’m westing.”
Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”
The frog says, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?”
“No,” says the psychic. “Next semester in her biology class.”
Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.
Two cows are in a field.
First Cow: “Do you worry about getting Mad Cow Disease?”
Second Cow: “Nah, I’m a penguin.”
A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stops him and says that he can’t drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off.
The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, “Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo.”
The man replies “I did. Today I’m taking them to the movies.”
A man went to sell his dog. A buyer asked him, “Is this dog faithful?”
The man replied, “Yes,I have sold him 3 times but he returns to me.”
Q: How do you catch a runaway dog ?
A: Hide behind a tree and make a noise like a bone !
Q: What do you call a woodpecker with no beak ?
A: A headbanger !