Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.

Two cows are in a field.
First Cow: “Do you worry about getting Mad Cow Disease?”
Second Cow: “Nah, I’m a penguin.”

A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stops him and says that he can’t drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off.
The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, “Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo.”
The man replies “I did. Today I’m taking them to the movies.”

A man went to sell his dog. A buyer asked him, “Is this dog faithful?”
The man replied, “Yes,I have sold him 3 times but he returns to me.”

Q: How do you catch a runaway dog ?
A: Hide behind a tree and make a noise like a bone !

Q: What do you call a woodpecker with no beak ?
A: A headbanger !